Saturday, 24 March 2007

Unmasked

Share
There are so many things going through my mind. Hope I can follow one path far enough to write something that makes some sort of sense.

For a while now, I have been doing a self evaluation, a kinda getting to know myself. Assessing my strengths and weaknesses, assessing the vision for my life and my goals. I think it's funny in a way..'getting to know myself' but I think it is something important I need to do because if I don't know who I am..how can I assess what I want?

In all this meditation, reflection and reading, I am discovering things about myself. Not that I didn't already know them, but things I had never really given any serious thought to. I have always been a shy person (my family might disagree) but I am quite reserved when I get into a new environment. In class, I am the girl who sits at the back, muttering the right answers to the questions under her breath but can't pick up the courage to actually say it out loud. A friend told me that this was the first thing he noticed about me so he liked to sit next to me so that he could hear what I was saying and convey the 'message' on to the teacher and take the glory!!

In and of itself being quiet, shy or reserved is not bad but as I pressed deeper beyond my actions to the reasons for my actions..I have discovered that most of the time I don't make a contribution because I am worried about getting it wrong or making a mistake or that what I have to say is really silly!! Going deeper, I discovered that outside of family relationships..I find it difficult to be assertive. Communicating what my needs are, saying how I truly feel because as usual I am thinking for the other person; how they perceive what I might be saying, hoping they don't misunderstand what I am trying to say. So I keep quiet..but you can only hold things inside for so long and so true communication breaks down and the relationship begins to deteriorate. Also, I find it hard to say NO without feeling guilty. I think this is one of the reasons I actually started a blog..so that I could say how I feel without really thinking about what people would have to say about it!

So from today, I choose to be more assertive, to speak up and let my voice be heard. I do have something (actually lots of things to say!!!). I will speak the truth in love. I will be honest. I choose to see myself through God's eyes. Most importantly, I choose to say NO and not feel bad about it. I am growing and I am changing. I want to be more effective in all the roles I have to fulfill as a daughter, sister, friend, employee e.t.c. so this is an area that I am working on and I know change is not easy but I am willing to do it so that I can get to the next level.

What about you? Is there any thing you need to work on? There is nothing that cannot be done with God's help. He can reveal some things to you that you had hardly thought about.

Every day, we should be going from glory to glory and getting better at all we do.

Remain blessed and have a great week.

Me

2 comments:

Daddy's Girl said...

Thanks believer for sharing this - assertiveness is definitely something I need to work on, because like you I am one of the reserved ones. There are other things too, thanks for the encouragement!

Believer said...

@DG: Thanks for your comment. Life is a journey in which we make new discoveries and work towards change.