I don't know if to write this as a journal entry or as a letter but today writing as if it is a journal will help me better. Last week, someone really important to me died. Death is so final, no more hellos or goodbyes, no happy birthdays or valentines just DEATH.
This is a really difficult time in my life because this person has been a very big influence on me, on my life escpecially my career and since this is the first time someone really dear to me has died i am trying to learn how to cope with grief. The day that i heard that he was in a coma, i cried because although i knew he was ill i never thought that he could actually die and the day that i heard that he was dead i cried a bit more.
Although i haven't cried for a few days, sometimes i wish that i would because maybe that will help this ache in my heart to go away. I feel devastated and a big sense of loss, i also feel like the reality has not hit me yet.
Writing this is difficult, i am trying to make sense of all the emotions but i am not sure that what i am writing is making any sense but in a way maybe the more that i write, the more that i can sort out how and what i feel and make sense of it all.
In a way, i think i was angry with God as well (please all the righteous, don't stone me i am just being real) because i felt that God knows that I need this person escpecially at this period in my life but i have left that stage and have come to a place where i am saying "Lord, i don't know why this is happening but in this confusion and chaos, i choose to trust you cos i know you have a plan and a purpose. My eyes are limited to space and time but yours are not. You created me and all that your word has said concerning me is true so i choose to TRUST you. Thank you for loving me even when i am not loving you back".
I think i know how to do the links thing now. The blogs i recommend are
1. Diamond Hawk
2. Daddy's Girl
3. Adaure's blog
I know that you will like them cos they are all unique in an interesting way. Anyway remain blessed and have a great time.
2 comments:
My dear it's tough. What can I say? I'm still grieving myself and it's the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in pain, and I can't say it gets easier or better or any of those glib platitudes - I just know God gives amazing grace at times like this and He helps us find a way to deal with the pain. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I pray God continues to see you through. Thanks for all your inspiring and encouraging posts - love your blog.
@daddy's girl: Thank you very much, i got a lot of comfort at that time from reading your blog as well. It truly is a blessing and you have a real gift with words. Keep up with it.
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