Je ne comprends pas...

Hi everyone

I miss writing, I miss blogging. I've been working on my dissertation and writing simply became a chore and I just needed a break. I'm still kind of on a semi-break but I hope I am gradually coming out of my comatose state because I have really missed it. I was talking to a friend at the weekend and he gave a description of me that made me laugh. Its funny how people can see strength where we only see weakness and imperfection.

A week ago, a friend shared about how her friend had passed away in childbirth. She asked a question 'Does God not answer prayers?' Hmm, it was an honest question and it got me thinking about so many other questions I had that I like to gloss over with my 'religious varnish', there is a way that I think that to ask a question is to doubt....that to say "Je ne comprends pas....I do not understand" means I am one of little faith.

I do not understand why we prayed and she died. I do not understand why Elisha died of an illness and yet his bones raised a dead man. I do not understand the ways of God. I do not understand what part I play in the scheme of things, I always see my life as a piece of a big puzzle where only God sees the big picture. I don't think I need to understand, just trust. Sometimes my faith is so weak, I wish I was perfect but I am not. I wish I always had answers but I don't.

One thing I have learnt in the past few months...God doesn't give up on us, usually we give up on Him. My prayer is that even when I do not understand...I reach out my hand to Him even in the dark and cry..'Lord help me.' I just needed to write that today, seems so random. Oh well! Have a blessed day people.