My darling, how do you do today? I am hoping you will check this inbox soon because I just had to share the thoughts in my heart with you. The truth is I miss you and still think about you all the time. I miss our easy conversations and the difficult ones too. I miss the way you used to laugh and ask whether the red or the brown suited better when I knew you really wanted to wear the brown (as usual if I may add!). I remember fondly the unexpected calls in the middle of the day just to say how much you love me and the peace and warmth that filled you when I said "right back at you". We used to find things to talk about all the time, you spoke to me first thing in the morning and I remember your incoherent words as sleep and conversation debated at the end of the day. It didn't matter because I knew your heart was in the right place.
I remember how eagerly you read the words I had penned for you, words that encouraged you and built you up, words that made you understand what you were worth to me, that I loved you so much and was willing to make the Ultimate sacrifice just to be with you. I miss the tears that used to fill your eyes when you were overcome with the knowledge about how much I loved you and the difference I had made since you accepted my request to be in your life. I miss the way you used to ask for my input before you made major decisions in your life and how you used to roll your eyes when we talked sometimes because you knew that I was ALWAYS right even when it didn't seem so and wished secretly I could be wrong even once! It made me laugh so much.
I remember when it started going pear shaped, too many busy signals on your end, you hanging out with your new 'group' who didn't have any value or respect for our relationship and said I made you too 'old fashioned'. I watched sadly as you began to drift away from me and our love to satisfy your thirst for 'knowledge', what were your words again.."this love is too restrictive, I'm young and beautiful, I want to spread my wings and fly". I saw you entertain compromise as fitting in became more important than loving me. I saw you change and dance with the enemy. My words became of no consequence as you chased after your 'toys'. I'm sometimes amazed at how much you don't realize how much I know you, even better than you know yourself. I see you cry yourself to sleep at night as you realize that nothing fills the void like I used to. That what looks and felt so good in the security of the darkness fills you with a shame like you never knew when the light comes up. I've seen you drift from place to place looking for love in all the wrong places and hold myself back from shaking some sense into you! Can I be honest, I get so jealous when I see others selfishly use you for I see the damage they cause. Baby, I can't force you to love me, the choice to love is the greatest gift of all. For forced love is not love at all but we are secure in love because we have been chosen.
I noticed that in recent times you have been going through our 'love box', the one you keep in your room, filled with the mementos of our relationship. I saw you dust the book I wrote the letters in and find cold comfort in some of the words. I saw you wrestle with the 'then' we had and the 'now' you have. I had to restrain myself from jumping in right there and then because I know it is up to you to come back to me. If only you had been really looking you would know that I had been very much around, neither my number or address had changed, I was there on the train, outside the door, I was there all the time just waiting patiently in line for you to notice but I guess you were too busy enjoying your 'freedom'. Don't get me wrong, please do not feel condemned, that was and isn't my intention, the point I just want to make is.....I miss you and beyond that I love you, I always have and I always will, I can't stop and the past makes no difference, if you're willing to come back, I'm here but if you choose to come back, as selfish as this sounds, it has to be on my terms because deep down you know I know best.
Baby, my heart is open and my hands are open, when are you coming back home?
Your Ex (not for long I hope), earnestly expecting a reply
JESUS
....As it has been said, TODAY if your hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion.. Hebrews 3:7b-8a
The Lord appeared to us in the past saying: "I have LOVED you with an EVERLASTING love; I have drawn you with LOVING-KINDNESS Jeremiah 31:3
I woke up at about 4 am some day in October 2009 with this in my heart, it's so strange and I just had to write it there and then. I don't know who this is for but if it's you, don't wait, please hit the REPLY button in your heart and go home, like the Father of the prodigal, you'll see He has been waiting and His heart is open. Gotta get a lil' more sleep now!
