Detox

Daddy

I woke up this morning singing 'I have seen the Lord's goodness, His mercy and compassion. I have seen the Lord's goodness, hallelujah, praise the Lord!'

I claim the words of this song to be my reality in Jesus name. Indeed You have been good to me and my family in the past. I know You will continue to do the same in my future. Dear God, I thought what I needed was a job, fit into that dress, and all the x things on my imaginary 'I will be happy when this happens' list and yet what this week has taught me is that when you choose to 'detox' be warned because all sorts of stuff is just going to start coming out of you....literally! The sugar shaking, the crankiness, the headaches on the physical side and now on the emotional end I am just realising how much resentment has been in my heart towards a, b and c.

Yesterday, I allowed a seed of mistrust lie in my heart and I know its because of the things I have refused to deal with from the past. Daddy, help me not to allow that seed germinate. Great thing about this process is not just the giving up of things you don't want in your system but taking in things that you do want. The fruit of the Spirit is love and Your word says we should love one another, deeply and sincerely to fulfil the call of Christ on our lives. Dear God, please be my guide and shield. This heart was not created to hold on to resentment and anger but to give love. My life was created to be a reflection of You. Help me Daddy to always say what needs to be said but to speak all truth in love.

Help me weed out bitterness and envy from my life. Tired of my 'woe is me' song lately. Please help me. My heart cries out to You. I believe in the transforming power of your love. You took Simon the flake and make him Peter the rock. At the cross we can drop our sin clad lives and receive righteousness, peace and joy. I want my life to be a true reflection of You. Lord it isn't about accumulating silver and gold but living and fulfilling purpose.

God thank You for being 'honesty' in our relationship. For showing me things about myself that You do not like. Not to condemn me but that I might be saved. Thank you for this season in my life, for the grace for this season. Thank You for strength in this season, thank you for joy in this season. Do what You alone can and may your awesome name always be glorified. May I always find rest in You. Now and always.

In Jesus name. So be it.

Much love

ZoeB

Open and Honest

Dear Lord thank You. I'm so glad and blessed that I was in church yesterday. Pastor's message really spoke to my heart. Lately, it seems that all I can see around me is disorder, just as it was in creation. I call to mind the walls of Judah that had been destroyed and the sinking feeling Nehemiah must have had as he purveyed the walls. But You are not intimidated by the size of the problems and challenges I face. You did not stagger at the chaos present in the Beginning and I know You are definitely not overwhelmed now.

I know Your Word tells me to be anxious for nothing but prayerful about everything and that those who know their God are strong and do exploits. But I am weak, I feel like I have been buffeted by trials and tribulations on every side. It seems the battles just line up back to back. I have been weary because I have not waited on You. I haven't hidden in You as my refuge, haven't kept You as my refuge and shield. I did faint in the day of adversity, indicative that my strength was small.

All, including myself have sinned and fallen short of your glory. Your glory is how You intended for us to live. I know I have Lord but again I ask for your mercy. I want to be intimate with you again. Fall in love with you again, walk the line with You again. Today I just want to be honest about where I am and what I feel. You know and see all things anyway. I'm hurt, I'm tired and I'm angry. I'm hurt about the things that have happened* . Daddy I know that I shouldn't keep all this hurt and pain inside of me, its toxic and affecting me in so many ways yet I don't know what to do. A voice says 'Talk to me about it, tell me where it hurts.' It hurts deep inside, so deep that I don't know if I really want to reach inside and get to it because I don't know what else I'm going to find in there. Daddy, I believe that You have the power to transform lives, to turn things around and bring about a good change.

I commit them into Your hands, they need You more than ever. They need You to be their strength, shield and exceedingly great reward. They need You to show them the way back home. I just realised my truth. That even if it was proved without reasonable doubt that You didn't exist, I would still believe in You (what sort of scientist am I then...lol!) Lord this is a right hot mess that only You can fix. Please help us and please help me. I know weeping endures for the night but Lord please let the morning not tarry for it comes with my joy.

Thank you for always listening.

*I want to be as open in my prayers as I can but some issues involve other people and so I will not always give details. The point of this is not so much about the actions but the feelings. I hope you understand. Also the prayers in this series do not reflect where I am right now, by His grace I am in a very different place : )

Much love

ZoeB