Open and Honest

Dear Lord thank You. I'm so glad and blessed that I was in church yesterday. Pastor's message really spoke to my heart. Lately, it seems that all I can see around me is disorder, just as it was in creation. I call to mind the walls of Judah that had been destroyed and the sinking feeling Nehemiah must have had as he purveyed the walls. But You are not intimidated by the size of the problems and challenges I face. You did not stagger at the chaos present in the Beginning and I know You are definitely not overwhelmed now.

I know Your Word tells me to be anxious for nothing but prayerful about everything and that those who know their God are strong and do exploits. But I am weak, I feel like I have been buffeted by trials and tribulations on every side. It seems the battles just line up back to back. I have been weary because I have not waited on You. I haven't hidden in You as my refuge, haven't kept You as my refuge and shield. I did faint in the day of adversity, indicative that my strength was small.

All, including myself have sinned and fallen short of your glory. Your glory is how You intended for us to live. I know I have Lord but again I ask for your mercy. I want to be intimate with you again. Fall in love with you again, walk the line with You again. Today I just want to be honest about where I am and what I feel. You know and see all things anyway. I'm hurt, I'm tired and I'm angry. I'm hurt about the things that have happened* . Daddy I know that I shouldn't keep all this hurt and pain inside of me, its toxic and affecting me in so many ways yet I don't know what to do. A voice says 'Talk to me about it, tell me where it hurts.' It hurts deep inside, so deep that I don't know if I really want to reach inside and get to it because I don't know what else I'm going to find in there. Daddy, I believe that You have the power to transform lives, to turn things around and bring about a good change.

I commit them into Your hands, they need You more than ever. They need You to be their strength, shield and exceedingly great reward. They need You to show them the way back home. I just realised my truth. That even if it was proved without reasonable doubt that You didn't exist, I would still believe in You (what sort of scientist am I then...lol!) Lord this is a right hot mess that only You can fix. Please help us and please help me. I know weeping endures for the night but Lord please let the morning not tarry for it comes with my joy.

Thank you for always listening.

*I want to be as open in my prayers as I can but some issues involve other people and so I will not always give details. The point of this is not so much about the actions but the feelings. I hope you understand. Also the prayers in this series do not reflect where I am right now, by His grace I am in a very different place : )

Much love

ZoeB