The place of total surrender

Surrender (v): To give up a right or possession. To yield, to relinquish, to let go, to forsake and forgo, to renounce. (Pocket Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus)

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

(' I surrender all' Judson W. VanDeVenter, 1896)

Warning: Might be really long!! Just needed to document a lot of things that have been going through my mind.

So there I was at the beginning of the weekend 'bemoaning' my still single status! It's almost hilarious now looking back but I'm amazed at the power of focus, when you focus on something long enough it's powerful enough to change your mood so I learnt how important it is to focus on the right things. Anyways, back to the story, I must confess I began to feel a bit sad but then I remembered the words of my last post to REJOICE! but I didn't want to rejoice, I wanted to be sad, I wanted some comfort ice cream, I wanted to sit in front of the TV (I'm sure you get the picture!)

It's wonderful loving and being in love with someone who can never let you go, irrespective of how silly you may act sometimes. I know God well enough now to know that when I start my Why me? diatribe, He leaves me for a while to act up until I realise that I cannot function without Him. I always find myself running back into His arms because that is the only place where I find total peace and satisfaction. I'm happy to say that as I grow more in my relationship with Him the time it takes me to fall into His embrace is considerably shorter. I'm not sure I could spend an hour without at least saying something to Him. I think there's just something about being in love with someone so much that you just have to be in touch and communicate.

One of the reasons I love God is because He knows how I feel. The Bible says that "...He is touched by the feelings of our infirmities" (Hebrews 4:15). Like the good Shepard that He is, he always leads me to where I can find solace. It seemed that every sermon, every song, even the Nigerian movie (a really good one called 'Through the fire') I watched had a message for me about holding onto God and being led by Him reassuring me of His Presence and His Power.

I was kinda like 'OK, OK i get it'. I know waiting on the Lord is what i must do but He had a deeper message for me. I picked up a book to read. It's aptly titled.."If men are like buses, how do I catch one". I was intrigued by the title but the content kept me captivated. It's not a book on how to 'get' a man (cos I'm not really sure one is supposed to 'get' a man!) but a book about spiritual development for the single person. However, I digress. She was talking about getting to a place in God when all you can say is 'Yes, Lord' I am totally surrendered to your will.

My first reaction was 'Yes sister, I am in that place' (uhum!) but she then posed a question that God asked her.."What about if my will for you is to get married at the age of 40...or maybe never?" Please note, although I am using marriage as an example cos that was what started the whole thing in the first place, it applies to different areas of our lives as God was showing me.

My first thought was that well God instituted marriage so it must be His will, we all be married or have children e.t.c but then as I thought deeper I remembered that most importantly, He is a God of purpose and does all things according to His plan for us. I felt like the Holy Spirit was taking a lamp and shining it into the inner recesses of my heart and exposing some things I never really realised were there. I think that my belief was as long as I obeyed God, was faithful to Him..a sort of 'service with a smile' attitude, God would give me what I desired. In itself, it's not a wrong theology because God grants those who delight in Him the desires of their heart (Psalm 37:4). I sense that God is calling me to a higher place in Him. Asking for more, for all, my 5 year plan, my 10 year plan, my goals and my dreams to replace them with His all, His plan for me, His purpose for me. I can't preach to anyone about this I can only say my story because God reaches out for us in unique ways and speaks to us in the language we understand the most.
I just lay on my bed and cried, not because I may never get married; to be married or not was never really the issue. The issue for me now was that I had arrived at a place in my relationship with God where more was required but was I willing to pay the price? I had to say 'Yes' because God has an excellent track record with me. He may sometimes lead me the LONG way but He has never led me the WRONG way. So, I truly surrender, yield, relinquish and let go of my desires, plans, finances and career and hand it over to Him. My prayer is that He will use me as He will.

God spoke to me there as I lay on my bed. Some things I may share as the days go by but I know that I have entered into a new place in my relationship with Him. I know it won't be easy cos my will is really strong and like someone said the problem with us being living sacrifices is that we can stand up from the altar!

I am reminded of people who went all the way with God for example,

Paul walked away from fame and a respectable position to be imprisoned and beheaded.
Hosea had to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him and father other men's children.
Jesus had to die on the cross.
Hebrews 11 is full of other people who had to count the cost when they chose to carry the cross and follow Him.

The picture that brought it home for me was Abraham with the son of promise he had waited for, for such a long time, taking him up the Mount of Moriah to lay him on the altar. I'm sure it was difficult cos I know it's not easy for me but I'm laying my Isaacs down and seeking to do His will because I know He has greater things in store for me.

Really, really long but I'm not sure I could have said it in less words.

Remain blessed. I'm praying for you it shall be well.

Me